The Birth of a Disney Hater

Hi, I'm Dana, and I'm a Disney Freak and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I wasn't always this way. I didn't always live in a town built by Disney. I used to live in Colorado like any sane person should. My socks didn't always have "Hidden Mickeys" on them, they used to have the Nike Swoosh like a normal person's socks should.

How does one get to be a Disney freak, a lover of all things Disney? I started out as a hater. My first trip to Walt Disney World was a disaster of epic proportions. The kind disaster that can only happen in the heat of a Florida summer. A Florida summer so hot and humid your butt bastes in it's own gravy.

My first, and I thought my last Disney trip was a long time ago in a galaxy far, far from here. No, really. I started out by driving from my home in Denver, with what was at that time my soon to be ex-wife and our three kids, on a trip I could not afford, to a place I didn't know. Driving. In a van. With three kids. And my soon to be ex-wife, Satan. In August. To Florida. Staying two weeks with my arch enemy Fat Sandy,or as Satan called her, Mom. Now I'm not saying that Fat Sandy was difficult to get along with, but once on a tour of the Vatican, the Pope punched her in the throat. True story.
So, now I've driven for three days in blazing heat, with kids that started asking "how much longer" before we were out of our zip code, and Satan complaining about the heat rash on her behind, and that's A LOT OF RASH. The drive is done and we've arrived in Florida and now "I'm going to Disney World".
Your honor, all I can say in my defense is "I didn't know". I didn't know that staying at the Maison de Roach on scenic US 192 in the heart of Kissimmee was going to be that bad. Or that crowded. I didn't know I was going to have to pay sixty dollars per ticket.
I didn't know that Disney World wasn't all in one park, really I didn't. I was in the Dumbo line with my three year old son, when my daughter informed me that she, Fat Sandy and Satan were going to ride The Tower of Terror. "Sure, sweetie, great, I'll probably still be in line by the time you get back." Needless to say forty-five minutes later they still couldn't find that ride. Really, I didn't know. I didn't know that I would be in that line for two hours. Honest guys, I didn't know that a Coke was four bucks, that a burger was seven, and that I couldn't get a beer for any amount of money. We didn't stay for the parade, we didn't see any fireworks. The only smart thing that I was going to do that day was beat the crowd out of the park. I thought I was a genius. I just didn't know.

I hated Disney, my kids hated Disney. I hated anyone who liked Disney. Heck, I hated anyone who could spell Disney. But now you know how a Disney hater is born. I guess next time I better tell you where Disney Lovers come from.

See ya real soon!