...for Me?
Amanda, our thirteen year old never does anything in a small way. She can take the normal things in life and make them into events. Susan, is an encourager (yes, I know it's not a word, just work with me) of these things, and that's just one of the reasons that I love them both.
Being lovers of all things Disney we counted the days to the opening of the second Pirates movie. As a bonus, Disney refurbished the Pirates of the Caribbean ride to include the movie characters. While the ride was closed for the extended rehab the girls were distraught, Sue especially. The Pirates ride has always been her favorite. Long before it found new fans from the movie, Susan was singing the pirates ride song.
For the longest time I thought she was doing middle age suburban housewife rap... "...YO! HO! YO! HO!"
In honor of the movie release and the reopening of the ride, Amanda decided that we would all dress in pirate costumes and be among the first in line on opening day. We would ride in full pirate regalia and then head off to see the movie. Of course Susan encouraged this madness while I tried to make myself disappear, wondering why we can't do things like normal people.
To be honest, I didn't really have a problem with this since I do have a very nice Jack Sparrow outfit that I look pretty good in. Susan will tell you that in costume, I'm a dead ringer for Johnny Depp (another reason to love her). Amanda will tell you that I'm a dead ringer all right, but it's for Kramer from Seinfeld, in a puffy shirt! Needless to say,one of them is blind and the other's a brat. You make the call.
So off we went to get dressed and ready. I trimmed my mustache and beard Captain Jack style and the girls dressed in fine Pirate form. Amanda's friend, Andy (who drove down with us from Colorado if you remember) was still visiting with us. So there we were... four pirates, ready to go.
I'm sure that on that day we contributed to Celebration myth and lore (there are many myths, but those stories are for another day.) As we were walking down the street to our car, a family of tourists stopped dead in the street. All the windows on my side rolled down and every one was gawking.
"Um...excuse me...do you work here?"
Being a Celebration resident for all of 72 hours, I wasn't quite sure how to respond. I didn't really understand the question. In retrospect, I should have given them a mighty "AARRRRGH Matey, and what of it?", but the best I could do was a lame "Can I help you?"
They were lost and looking for directions. I helped them as best as I could and walked away; but they just sat there... staring. I know that somewhere out there, that family tells their story about the town of Celebration. "Yea, it's weird, it's where all the employees have to live! And they walk around dressed in costume. Really! I saw it with my own eyes! Ask my wife Mavis if you don't believe me, HEY MAVIS...!"
Nothing could have prepared us for what happened next as we innocently headed to the Magic Kingdom dressed as four proud pirates.
Mistake number one: They let us in.
This was before Captain Jack Sparrow joined the ranks as a regular character in the park. But what did I know? I was just out having 'fun'. When the four of us were together, I got lots of stares and a few "Good day Captain" comments, but things were otherwise 'normal'. It wasn't until we split up that things got crazy.
After we rode Pirates (and my wife stopped drooling), Amanda and Andy wanted to ride Splash Mountain. Since the park was pretty crowded I told them to wait while I walked over to get them fast passes.
That's when it happened! They came at me like a crazy mob! Not kidding here.
It started with one teenage girl and snowballed from there. The girl wanted a picture and a hug. 'What the heck', I thought. No harm in a picture and a hug. Then a couple of parents brought the little ones up, "Captain Jack! Captain Jack!" They were screaming out and running towards me. Now it's pictures and autographs. I try to keep walking to catch up with my wife, but I'm not getting away... "Jack Sparrow, you're my husbands favorite! Honey look it's Captain Jack!" (I know this can't be good.) "He's even got your tattoo on his back" My new best friend needs help lifting his shirt because of his size, and sure enough there he is in all his glory, shirt off, modeling the skull and cross bones emblazoned across his back. There's enough flesh there to make two little pirates! Time for a picture and I make my escape.
I find Susan and I try to explain to her what's happening. "WE HAVE TO LEAVE! NOW" I beg her as another group stops me. As Amanda and Andi grab their fast passes and leave, a devious smile spreads over Susan's face as she walks away laughing. More autographs, more pictures. A line is forming and I keep trying to leave. "Wait, one more...please.
I know that I should have said, "Hey, I'm not Jack. I'm just Dana..."
But I didn't. Mistake number two.
Maybe it was going to my head. Everyone thought I was Jack. I knew that these kids were from all over the world. Not just from down the road like me. I was Jack Sparrow to them, and I wasn't going to let them go home and talk about Captain Crappy Pants who wouldn't even stop for an autograph.
Now that my wife's laughing cramps have subsided, she joined me and whispered "I think you'll be okay if we can just get out of Adventureland..." So we made our way over to Main Street USA. Earth to Dana, this is the busiest spot on this, or any other planet. I'm a genius. I'm mobbed again. Not only is there a line, but now it's become "Hey! We were here first..", they were shoving each other. "We want her autograph too!" And so Susan gets the autograph books shoved at her too. Who's laughing now?
Tap on the shoulder. "Um what are you doing here? You shouldn't be on Main Street." It's Disney security. "Thank goodness you're here, I can't get out of here." Blank stare. "Why didn't you use the employee exit?" "Hello..NOT an employee. I just came in for the ride and..." Blank stare. "How did you get in?" "Hello... front gate, can you help me get out?" All this in between autographs. "They shouldn't have let you in dressed like this." "Yeah, well, now we know." The kindly security guard finally sees the light and explains to the people that my time is up, and she escorts us to the exit.
The ride on the monorail to the parking lot wasn't so bad. Just one autograph for a small boy, and, oh yeah, the picture with the older lady that came across the car from four seats away to have her picture taken with me, while whispering in my ear "You're my faaaavorite." As if I really am somebody.
Susan and I headed home to change into our real clothes. Much to Amanda's dismay,we decided NOT to go to the movie premier in costume. We explained to her about our brush with fame and how we were soooo over it, she had enjoyed her day in the park, but she didn't understand all the excitment. And to her I was... just Dana.
So if you're out there, and you have a picture of your kids posing with a forty-something looking Captain Jack Sparrow, or your autograph book is signed by Cpt. Jack and "Wench" (which is what Susan came up with in the heat of the moment), well hey, congratulations and I hope I made your day.
'Cause you sure as heck made mine.
See you real soon!
